The Best European Show

grown-ups

A colourful cast of jurors finds themselves on the jury of a pan-European theatre festival modelled after Eurovision, tasked with choosing the best European theatre performance. The task seems quite simple if it weren’t for the jurors from all walks of life, each with their own view of theatre, each from their own social context, and with a distinctly elaborate opinion, which the festival director and the European political elite themselves are additionally trying to direct. When, in all the confusion, it seems that the situation couldn’t be more complicated, they are joined by tragic news, a corruption scandal, the police and an enraged theatre audience on strike. From the perspective of the jurors, who each represent one of the key views on theatre (actors, directors, critics, professional associates, writers and theatre managers), the satirical text takes on fashion trends in theatre and shakes up attitudes toward creators, profit, the audience and other current and pressing topics, such as the #metoo movement, ecology, political theatre and entertainment.

ZOH:

The actor who played the lawyer of the Mafia Boss ...

BEATRICE:

The handsome Latino lover …

MILA:

That guy who looks like Alberto Di Maggio, the Eurovision winner! Oh, amore mio!

ZOH:

Yes, he is involved in one of the Italian #metoo cases. The matter has been under court review for two years now due to allegations of sexual misconduct.

BEATRICE, MILA, MIA:

No! Oh my God, no! 

VIA:

Wait, we can’t kill Italy just because somebody might have done something inappropriate a few years ago.

BEATRICE:

Via! We must uphold the highest moral standards. We cannot condone sexual harassment.

GROTOWSKI:

Could you give us more details about what happened?

ZOH:

If I remember correctly an actress accused him of groping her on stage during a rehearsal. She said, “He put his hands on my breasts, and I told him not to do that.” And he said: “What am I doing?” The actor denies any wrongdoing, claiming it never happened and that she was upset because he rejected her advances. It’s supposed to be her revenge.

VIA:

So, nothing has been proven yet.

BEATRICE:

Where there’s smoke, there’s a fire.

MIA:

The first edition of the first European Theatre Festival cannot have as a winner a #metoo-involved cast member. Why would they submit a show like that. What were they thinking?

VIA:

Are you all crazy? If the Italians had an issue, they could have replaced him. Clearly, it’s not a big concern for them.

BEATRICE:

Well, the Italian standards for sexual harassment are questionable at best.

JANUS:

This discussion is getting too extreme. The show isn’t about sexual harassment; it’s about the corporate world’s influence on our lives.

GROTOWSKI:

We should disqualify the Italian show. We can’t compromise a victim’s experience.

VIA:

But who is the victim here? ... I’ve been through one of these trials for years. An actress who worked with my husband accused him of sexually assaulting her. The case went to court, and he was eventually acquitted. The pain we endured was immense. Our children asked questions, and I had to explain the situation repeatedly to friends and family. He lost his job as artistic director and was fired from his teaching position at the Drama Academy.

MIA:

Well, he was acquitted in the end.

VIA:

After three years! He couldn’t work in any theatre during that time. He still doesn’t receive offers for work. And why? Just because they had a one-night stand, and she wanted to continue an affair with him. But he didn’t want to leave me for her. Are we now going to let the Italian show and the efforts of dozens of people become victims of unproven accusations?

BEATRICE:

What if this Alberto Di Maggio look-alike did harass that woman? What then? I, for one, am sure he did!

VIA:

In that case, he’s an idiot, but we shouldn’t punish an entire country based on rumours. The court will handle it, and he will face consequences. Seriously, who are we to judge? What right do we have to disqualify someone based on rumours?

BEATRICE:

It is a court case, not mere rumours! We cannot award the show with an actor accused of sexual harassment. How will his victim feel?! Enough with male chauvinism already! Unwanted kisses, hands on our breasts and butts, thrusting tongues in our mouths and coercing intercourse, if you don’t give your boss a blow job, you lose your job! Enough with the blackmailing! No, no, no, no, no, no, no!  Not any more!

ZOH:

Beatrice, I sympathize, but Via is right. We have to respect the rule of law. We can’t act above that!

VIA:

Come to think of it – Why don’t we disqualify the Polish show for using the image of the Guernica in the set? Picasso was allegedly abusive toward women!

ZOH:

Should we also disqualify all of art history because many paintings of Jesus depict him as white when he definitely wasn’t?